Do you ever get that icky feeling, where you just don’t fit in?
You feel gross, ugly, and somehow like you just aren’t meant to be where ever you are at that given time as you are different in a bad way to everyone around you? And frankly, you don’t want to be looked at by them?
As a chubby, hairy kid growing up I used to get this feeling from time to time. I was a little chubby and like most teens, I started to get hair in places I hadn’t before…but I actually get a bit more than others due to some hormone stuff I have going on, probably related to also having endometriosis. This is now being taken care of via Laser ar Pulse Light Clinic which I’ll be writing about more in-depth soon!
Anyway back to my point. I have tackled that feeling over the years with self-love, meeting other humans who also have some hair in places, realising not everyone is a supermodel and via exercise which generally allows me to be in a room full of all different kinds of people who don’t judge. It also allows me mostly to get outside of my mind!
HOWEVER the other day, and occasionally the feeling returns, usually at classes.
Yoga / Pilates are my favourite classes and generally, they are relaxing. But I think there is something about the mirrors and being able to see all angles of myself that helps that weirdo inside my head come back.
THE POSITIVE about this is that yoga and exercise, in general, allows me to tackle that monster. As soon as that mindset kicks in, I challenge it and tell it to stop. I try to focus on the exercise ahead of me and push through until it goes.
The difference with those voices in my head at the GYM vs NOT AT THE GYM is that when I’m not at the gym there’s less to distract me from them. In fact, working out, running etc are how I started to battle low self-esteem. Working out is like my superpower.
Whether I’m in a class or the gym floor itself, there will always be people. But it’s super important to remember they feel the same as us! And if there’s the occasional ‘look at me’ type, just eye roll or ignore them ahah!
Generally, most people at the gym are in a state of ‘please don’t look at me.’ They are in their own world, focussing on the exercise at hand and won’t be looking at you!
Also, those voices in your head are usually placed there from a situation or time in your past. For me, it was comparing myself to my friends at school. And like I said, as I’ve grown up I’ve started to realise we are all different!
Yoga and pilates really help me to focus on my body and treat it in the best way possible, which in turn helps my mindset towards my body.
I find personally that tackling the monster head on, literally in the mirror, around others, is the best way! It has nowhere to hide, and although I might have a few minutes of feeling weird. I always feel so much better after, and can congratulate myself for having exercised!
Always make sure to acknowledge your efforts after you work out! It’s a major win in your day and your body and mind will thank you later.
I sometimes congratulate myself with vegan ice cream… or I get myself to the gym with the reward of cake after…
Whatever floats your boat hey!
Hit me up on Instagram if you want to let me know if you liked this post or what subject to blog about next: instagram.com/kittycowell
I work out at Virgin Active which is where thee photos were taken.
*This is an ongoing collaboration with Virgin Active. (Gifted)
Images by Fordtography
Leave a Comment